The reason

when you have an argument or sorts with someone, do you say sorry?
are you the first to apologize?
do you feel bad?
and why did you apologize in the first place? was it your fault? or did you just want to make things better?

i was just randomly thinking and wondering, and then i realized that if ever i argued with anyone or whoever for that matter, and if i was a big enough person to apologize first..
there're only two things that would usually make me say sorry

1) the fault was mine

2) thoughts of the person dying soon after -_-

it may sound dumb, but it is entirely true!! and of course a lil berzerk but blame the vivid imaginations that i have k? too many a time have we argued with little thought about the consequences. i'm not pinpointing at anyone here, but they're just random thoughts that i always have. so you don't have to screw your mind just to think and make out who it is i'm talking about, aight :P

so anyhow, for example, sayyy....

after arguing with say, mr x or whatever, i'd always be so pissedddddd off at first that i'd think of so many ways to make that person even angrier.
then a few moments after, my mind would proceed to start playing the 'what if ' card.

for example, if the foresaid person told me that he/she was going to go on a trip, or to a shopping mall, or to a friend's house later on in the day, i would always feel tremendously bad when i realize (or imagine) if someway somehow, they DID perish doing whatever small thing it is that they had planned on doing

it can be due to the plane crashing
it can be due to a road accident
can be due to..i dunno..whatever freak ass weirdos out there commiting crimes

but the thing is,
i HATE the idea of letting someone pass away in bad memory when if fact i could have done all i could and be the bigger person to make things better in the first place. (i mean, who doesn't?)
you know how they say cliched things like, 'appreciate every moment of the day', and 'you never know but this could be the last time you're seeing someone'?
yeah.
it IS exactly that.

of course it's due to my over-valued imagination sometimes that he/she is gonna pass away just after we've had an argument. but the question is, WHAT IF?

what if you argued with someone over something you feel so strongly for? and that the next moment, who knows, but WHAT IF they DID just suddenly die?
what if you were given a chance to say your last words to them? (confirm it would then be a word of apology)
what if the argument was over something so trivial and there was no other chance to express just how sorry you are?

you'd never be able to live your life in solace.
worse still, you'd crumble and rot with the though that you hadn't tried to make things better between your friend and you, and that you had let them down by letting them die without clearing the air of anger and doubt between the both of you.

it is really quite horrible when you think about it.

and when the person then passes away, you'd be soooooooooo filled with regret, you'd wish for a second chance.

a second chance to say i'm sorry.
and if possible, a chance to show your appreciation of them and basically whatever it is in your capability that would make them comfortable and happy before they pass on.

but that's the thing.

we don't realize this until AFTER someone leaves us forever.

which would then make it too late.

yes, it's cliche and all that, but no one ever said cliches weren't true.

so you may think of me as some freak, but yeahh..
it IS one of the reasons i apologize..
and i think it's HECK OF A GOOD REASON YO!!! although a lil screwed up in a funny little way

but i suppose the main thing to realize is that every moment spent together should be treasured, for we don't all have the same amount of moments.

some have more, some less.
some live longer, some don't

therefore, the only way that we can equal out both life spans is by having as much meaning as we can in whatever given moments that we have.

and apologizing is a start to new meanings in life